,I sit here watching my daughter trying to rock herself to sleep and I am scared. Not scared of her going to sleep but of what the future holds for her. She faces so many challenges because of her earliest months. I don't know if I can make it better for her.
She has always had a hard time regulating herself and her emotions. When she was younger she had meltdowns that lasted more than 2 hours. I can not even begin to describe what it felt like sitting on the floor trying to keep both of us from getting hurt all while she screamed that she hated me. As she grew the meltdowns lessened but she still became frustrated and angry so easily. But of course this behavior only happened at home. Everywhere else she was an angel. Everyone else thought she was the sweetest child they had ever met.
Once she started school new set of issues developed. She just could not remember things. Her reading was not developing. She ended up repeating 1st grade. Now that actually turned out ok. She did much better the second time around. I fought the school for 2 years to finally get this child an IEP. It seemed they did everything they could to keep her from getting help including telling me she is "just low and this all you can expect". With the help of a wonderful developmental pediatrician I got her diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Exposure. She started a new medication and our world changed. She is now able to focus and is controlling her emotions. We have not had a meltdown in almost a year. Of course she still gets mad but it is not the same. I am so scared that 2nd grade will not go as well as this past year. I know the work will be harder and more of it. I do not want her to fail another year. Will she ever be able to overcome these problems and be productive and independent?
Now I have another obstacle. I noticed a few weeks ago and again last week that when she has been running or jump roping a lot (and I mean ALOT) her heart begins to race and pound like it is going to pop out of her chest. I mentioned it to her dev. ped and he has sent her to a cardiologist for an EKG next Tuesday. He said it could be that when kids get overheated and exerted everything dilates as a way of releasing heat. God, I hope that is all it is.
I am so scared that that B****h that gave birth to her damaged her little heart too. How can someone do that to a baby growing inside them ? I know I should be grateful she let her have life so I could bring her home but damnit, she hurt my baby.Her choices have made life so much harder for this precious child. I am scared what this all may mean. I can't loose her.
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4 comments:
Oh Destiny, I'm so sorry! I wish there was something I could do for the two of you. It makes me so sad that your beautiful daughter has to suffer the consequences of her biological mother's choices. Thank goodness she has you to care for her!
Try not to worry too much about the EKG, I'm sure she is just fine. It sounds like you have a fantastic doctor, and I'm glad she is getting all the help she needs from him in the face of the school's inadequacies. Keep me up-to-date, okay?
How very frightening. It sounds like you have an amazing PED, though, which is fantastic.
I find it hard to believe that a woman would do that to her unborn child, as well. It hurts my heart to hear it.
I will be sending positive vibes your way. Keep us updated.
Alicia
Oh hon ~ I know what you mean. My dd was born drug exposed to crack. She has been super fortunate not to have any residual effects. One thing I have accepted is that addiction is a disease and not a moral issue - she was a sick woman. I know that doesn't change the outcome but hopefully it will help you. How lucky she is to have you in her life! Can you imagine if she was still with her bio mom? Ugh. Sounds like you have fantastic support. Oh and another thing - we just can't know what will happen - my birth son was born with some defects and learning disabilities and I did everything I was supposed to do while pregnant. Just keep taking it one day at a time and enjoy each and every moment you have. I'm sending positive thoughts for next week's test. XO
thank goodness she has YOU as a mom and not the the person who birthed her. i can't imagine doing what that woman did to a helpless baby, but i am glad she has you, and your team, to get her through this. keep us posted.
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